Response on the Essay Feedback - part 2

So I got back my draft from the teacher today, and was glad to see that I managed to identify the problems with my essay well; I lack concrete examples and do not make a logical argument very often, which makes it hard to convince others that my point is valid. I decided that my audience for my paper was parents of children, but, as Ms. Scott pointed out in her comments, sometimes my tone seems too condescending. Also, I use too many semicolons; they make my sentences abrupt. Yes, I realize that I used a semicolon in my last sentence about using too many semicolons.

Anyways, I think that I received some good feedback on my essay, and at least know that I know the right direction to turn it in, and know how to improve it. This way I can have an essay that brings out my argument and my ideas in the best way possible to people who are not necessarily knowledgeable on the subject.

That's all I have for tonight, my brain unfortunately is still kind of out of whack from the engineering test, so I am ready to hit the rak and then sleep in till 0500 tomorrow.

Drag like White Lightning and keep your covers out of the microwave,

C/ STANTON

Response to the Essay Response

After reading my peer feedback on my essay, I have to say he made some very good points; I already knew that I needed to provide more concrete examples, specifically relating to the 4-H club, but did not realize until he pointed it out that i went a little crazy on the prepositions in my paper, and could definitely tone them down a lot. He also correctly pointed out that my paper lacked an ending, which, since I am writing an argumentative paper, is necessary to wrap up my argument. Overall, I felt like the feedback I received contained good advice, and I will use it to improve my paper and my argument, in order to target my specific audience, the youth of America.

Drag like White Lightning and keep your covers out of the microwave,

C/ STANTON

Essays and Other such Nonsense

So, I have finally looked over my draft essay, and think that it isn't bad. I did not really get into many details, but I think that that is alright. I do talk a lot about ideals and ideas, not facts, which is something new to me. However, the ideals I discussed in my essay are things I believe very strongly in, such as leadership and service. I feel that they are the corner stones to any great society, ours included. I know that I rambled a lot throughout my essay, and did not present many concrete ideas that are easy to wrap my head around; it took quite a bit of work to make my essay, but I enjoyed writing it and hope that it isn't to bad.

Anyway, in other news, I have determined that mixing an argumentative essay, one that tries to convince you of something with a winding, personal essay is very effective for me. Difficult to write, as mentioned above, but it makes me feel like I accomplished something in my writing rather than just mumbling on and on like I am doing now. However, I am in my last 4 minutes of my 12-hour Naval Study Tours for this week, and would like to celebrate. Prepare to cheer, cheer (yay) LOCK IT UP! Enjoy your weekend, everyone, and remember that the following is a message from the Surgeon General:
Drag like White Lightning and keep your covers out of the microwave. (May cause cancer)

NC/ STANTON

Inside the crazed mind of writers

So, I was thinking a little in class this week about how writers actually think; I mean, you here famous authors quoted all of the time, how did they know that what they wrote or said was famous? I think that the way writers think is by not thinking. If they really are interested in something, then they should have no problems rambling on about it for hours. After rambling, they revise by looking at it through your average Joe's, or their audience's, eyes. They keep what is insightful and get rid of anything that doesn't make sense or puts their audience to sleep.

Even though I am sort of a writer, I will admit that I find it hard to approach writing in such a disorganized manner as this, and I think my writing suffers. I know that, at least for this course, one of my biggest problems is sitting down (Or standing up, sometimes) and start the writing process. Once I start, it is just a matter of time before I manage to write something, even though it often is very good.

Well, that's my thoughts for the evening, it's about time to shut down the noggin and get ready for PT tomorrow.


Drag like White Lightning and keep your covers out of the microwave,

NC/ STANTON

So, I finally found my third three week outline, and decided that doing the assignment do today tonight is better than not doing it.

I really thought that the two essays we read, "Ali in Havana", which is about Muhammad Ali's humanitarian trip to Cuba, and "The Stunt Pilot", about a geologist/stunt pilot, were extremely interesting and well written. I think both can be qualified as essays because of their great use of vivid descriptions; they are almost story-like in the sense that they make you visualize what is happening, whether it be flying extremely close to a mountain in a single-engine Cessna or jabbing at the leader of Cuba. They do not, however, just entertain. They also have some kind of point or central topic of discussion. For "The Stunt Pilot," it is a discussion on true art and our value of beauty. For "Ali in Havana", it is a discussion about our stereotypes of others.

I am looking forward to the essay part of the semester, as I enjoy writing essays and find that they offer a little more structure while also offering more freedom on what to write. Anyway, that's all I got for tonight.

Drag like White Lightning and keep your covers out of the microwave,

NC/ STANTON